not me monday

Alright, as many of you may know, especially since it is the only time i blog anymore, that it is not me monday...as seen on mckmama's blog.
so, here it goes.

If someone told you that they saw me squirt gasoline all over myself on friday, then DO NOT believe them! I most certainly was not preoccupied in my thoughts after work that when i removed the nozzle from the tank in my car i was still clutching tightly to the release lever. And since i did not do that, i most certainly did not drench my legs with gasoline and scream when i realized what was happening and throw the nozzle on the ground...wasting about $1.50 in the whole ordeal! Absolutely not!! Also, i have never seen the mythbuster show about setting yourself on fire at a gas pump starting from the spark of static electricity. I was not freaked out at my situation because i was certainly not wearing a static-riffic puffy coat that makes my hair practically stand up on end. It was not me who oh-so-carefully peeled said jacket of all the while praying simultaneously and trying to touch as many things in hopes of staying "grounded".
AND, if that had been me, i would not have found it hilarious when a concerned gentleman paused long enough to hand me a tissue to wipe the $1.50 worth of gas off my jeans.

Last monday, it was not me who pretty much threw a surprise-just-because-i-love-you-and-think-you-are-great-present back in my husbands face because i was "too tired, and hungry, and busy, and in the middle of cooking supper" to pause for 30 seconds to open the plainly wrapped item that came in the mail. That was not me because sweet girls do not behave in such a manner! it is not me who has a sweet husband that read a previous blog entry of mine about a children's book called the small one. he absolutely did not search online for days for a descent copy of a practically out of print book....oh, wait...it is me, and i am a jerk!

also, it is not me who has become so obsessed with finding the round-valentine-pink beaded-placemats that have a heart in the center from target. i did not pick them up to buy in little rock over christmas and then put them back because it would be silly to buy them there when there are 3 targets here in fort worth. i am not kicking myself. and, it is not like they never existed. this isn't me! because if such a thing existed, of course i could track them down since i am super internet searcher girl! also, i do not feel oh so very worldly because i am coveting this one thing i am unable to have (or find!!).

and last but not least, do not believe anyone if they tell you that i did not take down my christmas tree and decorations until YESTERDAY! hello!! that would be tacky to leave them up that long, and we all know how well i follow social ettiquette.